Hi all. i apologise in advance but really need to get this off my chest. Im feeling really low today. I have a gorgeous son who will be 2 next month & im a full time mum to him. We've been trying for another baby since march 07 & dont seem to be getting anywhere. I have been greeted evey month by yet another period & most months iv been late so had false hope. last month tho i came on 3 days early which was a total shock. im never ever early! i was hopefull at first that it would just be implantation bleeding but sadly it was too heavy to be. it was different in some way to my normal bleeds tho, almost seemed mucusy at times (hard to describe but it just looked differnent). I now fear it could have been a natural termination. i cant think of any other explanation. My partner & i are so fed up with the disapointment each month & it keeps hitting me harder & harder as the months pass. To make things worse about 3 months ago i went to docs as i was getting pains half way through my cycles. We found out the pains are ovulation pains (aparently quite common in women) so we were much more hopefull knowing we could pin point ovulation every month & thought we'd have more success. sadly not tho. It only took us 6 months with Connor so im finding it really hard. especially as both my best friends have just had there second & my sister in law has just had her first (second granchild in the family!) - maybe the new arrivals are the reson i feel so low as i cant switch off baby mode. i know people say to try & forget about trying & thats the way it was with Connor, i was 6 weeks before we realised! but i just cant this time. We've decided we should stop trying & just let nature take its course, & try to get on with our lives & enjoy our little boy - but it seems impossible to me. iv decided to look for a job as i think im ready now & i hope it will help take my mind off things, give me chance to do something for myself. however im riddled with guilt at the thought of sending Connor to nursery & going back to work. I know its for the best tho as i feel we've put our life on hold waiting for me to fall pregnant. have tried my hardest the last 2 weeks to forget about trying for a baby but its ovulation week this week (partner dosent know i dont think) & im here again just waiting for the pains! & i feel so low & negative already! aaaarrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!! sorry to babble on! im just so frustrated! i sit here & look at my gorgeous boy & ask my self why he's not enough? im lucky enough to have him & he's my life yet i still feel empty? all i want is to give him a little brother or sister yet all hes getting lately is a stressed mum who's got very little patience. i feel like such a failure - to him, my amazing fiance & myself. how do i get out of this dark place?