hi, i know its early days but my daughter who is 15months goes to nursery every tuesday 1-6pm £20, and has been going for 4 weeks now. she is use to mums and tots groups but im always there even tho she doesnt give me a second look! When i drop her off at nursery all hell breaks loose she clings onto be for dear life and the teachers have to peel her off me! I go home or to work a nervous wreck, and when i pick her up she screams and sobs in my arms for 10min almost relieve, poor thing.the teachers say she has been very unsettled all afternoon what i want to know is shall i continue sending her? will she get use to it? is this a case of seperation anxiety?
Comments 11
Hi there,
I put my daughter into nursery when she was 2, and she was extreemly traumitised, so I pulled her out waited another year and changed nurseries and she loved it, she was obviously not ready for it at 2 and is now doing very well at school. Good luck with whatever you do but dont feel pressured to send her with all the other children, do what is best for her she will let you know. Best wishes.
hiya, thanks for the replies, but ive decidedto stop taking her to nursery, it was all to much for her. it took her 2 days to recover from going! thanks every1
Hi there,
I put my daughter into nursery when she was 2, and she was extreemly traumitised, so I pulled her out waited another year and changed nurseries and she loved it, she was obviously not ready for it at 2 and is now doing very well at school. Good luck with whatever you do but dont feel pressured to send her with all the other children, do what is best for her she will let you know. Best wishes.
Even though your daughter didn’t give you a second look at mums and tots – she still knew you were there! And you are absolutely right – it is a form of separation anxiety. If your work commitments will allow it, go through the settling in process at nursery again. Take your daughter to nursery and stay and play with her (and her key worker if possible) for about 15 – 20 minutes before taking her home again. Repeat this for as long as it takes for her to move away from you of her own accord. When she is happy to do this tell her you are just popping out to hang her coat up/talk to someone, then leave the room even if she seems upset and come straight back in again. Gradually build up this time out until you can leave her for her full session. Whatever you do, don’t do the “she’s quietly playing – I’ll just sneak away” routine. Always tell her you are going and that you will be back. How long this takes depends on each individual child and there may still be days when she cries but she will know you are coming back!
I would give it a go,i think you should stay with her and then take her home,then stay and leave her after she has settled,but leave without her seeing you go,but come bak in half hour or so,and so on,it can be very hard for some children to settle into nusery life,most will settle in the end,i've never seen a child NOT settle in the end!
Some children take longer then others,but don't let it unsettle her at home or she will become to distressed"
If you really feel it's upsetting her at home too,then maybe try moving her to another nursery or have you thought about a childminder,where she'd be looked after in a home rather then a nursery? some children just don't settle into nursery life!
hiya, have u seen children like this at ure nursery? when i went to view the nursery ella came with me and she ran in and started playing with the other children, and the toys. the second time we went something must have happened, she ran straight to the door and as it opened the children were all sat in a circle and 2 children came running over and from that 2nd visit she hates going! im going to ask them can i stay with her for a while, or is this 'giving' her what she wants e.g mummy stays if i cry?
If you really feel it's upsetting her at home too,then maybe try moving her to another nursery or have you thought about a childminder,where she'd be looked after in a home rather then a nursery? some children just don't settle into nursery life!
It probably seperation anxiety- is she alweays unsettled for the entire afternoon? Seeing the parting and reuniting almost certainly gives you a false picture. It is when children are most upset. She may scream as you go but afterwards it may be "Mums out of sight- I'm nerarly alright" Talk to the teachers. How unsettled is she? Is it every day? Is it getting worse? You mention work so I assume she need to leave her. If not I'd wait a little while and try again. At Mums and tots group she was able to glance across and see you- and know you were there if she needed you- which ment that unless she hurt herself she probably didn't! You are her security- and if she cannot see you she KNOWS she needs you. Its the way little ones are. If she must go to nursery it might help if you can show her over and over that you do always come back. Leave her for short stretches. Could she stay with her father/grandparent/aunt/ your friend for very short periods. Say ten minutes at first then half an hour. The time it might take to slip to the shops or bpost a letter. Make sure she knows you are going- and that you have come back. Once she is more confident that she will not loose you she will be happier to be left. Does she have a comfort object? A teddy or blanket she could hug when she needs you? Let her keep them in a special place (consult her teacher) it could help. A special bracelet might work for an older child (tell her to stroke it and Mummy will be thinking of her and kissing you better). She may be a little young for this but if you both have bracelets to stroke when you feel a bit down she may get the measage.
Dorothy Einon
hi, thanks for reply, she is always unsettled for the whole 6hours she is there! she takes her own teddy with her every week, since going to nursery every tuesday 1-6 she has totally changed, not sleeping, and only wanting me and just moaning all the time! she only gets looked after by myself or her grandma and we regularly go to mums and tots sessions. im at my wits end!
Hiya,i'm quilifed nursery nurse and ran my own toddler unit of 15 kids for 2 years aged 1-2yrs. This is a very hard age to leave a child as all they know is you and she prob thinks your not coming back,esp children who only do 1 or 2 days aweek do take longer to settle,i've seen it loads of times and it is very normal for her to scream and cling to oyu,but give it time and she will settle,she will become attached to one of the nusery nurse's in time and will accept going,it may help of she does more then just day,did she do settle sessions before she started...if not you could ask the nursery to do this,you could take her in maybe for 1 hour every day,then pick her up,this will let her know your always coming back and then just make the sessions a little longer each time,the nursery should allow you to do this for as long as you feel you need too...good luck
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