I Admire you for taking her on as this cant be easy but u also have to think wat this little girl is feeling, she is old enough to feel rejection wat about doing special activity days where u and your partner take both girls out 2geva for a special day evry weekend and then the other day of the weekend you take them out seperately and then the next weeknd do the same but change over so that u take the older one out whilst he spends time with ur daughter that way each child will have time with each parent on there own and together, this little girl is probably scared and craving love and attention which her birth mother never gave her i kno it must be hard but try to stick to it and hopefully u should get through it all as a family. good luck :)

Having two children is very different regardless if their your own children or not, as the second always seems to not get as much attention but they will learn other skills in being more independent, less clingy, to share etc. Try and see the positives in each situation and also sit down and talk to your husband about how your feeling, family therapy may be a good option. You sound like you have your own issues to work through to move on with this situation, see what support groups you can join. Remember she was removed for a reason and you providing the structure routine and stability for that little girl will make more than a difference in her life than you will ever know.

Hi,

I am in similar position too. I had my baby girl back in January 2007 and my husband took on his daughter of 5yrs from a previous relationship quite recently with full paternal rights as her mom couldnt be bothered. It is difficult and you do resent the situation (not the child). its tough being a new mum as it is but you kind of want that special `new family time` for yourself without a reminder of their past being around to complicate thigs. However, the little girl probably doesnt show it but is very gratefull to have an older mummy type person to be around who isnt out of it or getting cross. Ask your partner to be more involved and suggest 1:1 times, we have daddy days and mummy times...you could also ask grandparents of your partners little girl to help out and have her stop with them once a month so you get some `three` time with your new baby and partner. It is difficult but it gets easier and to be fair my step daughter helps me out loads as she keeps my daughter occupied so i can get some things done around the house. My daughter adores her half sister and that is enough for me....stick in there honey!!

I agree with Emmasmum - this little girl really needs you. Ask your boyfriend for more support too, you can't do it all alone. I think you are worrying that you are neglecting your own daughter but I'll bet she's loved, secure, warm, happy, content and well looked after and that is plenty for a baby - it's certainly so much more that the 5 year old has had from her own mother. I know it must be hard but you need to look at her as being part of your family unit rather than just wanting rid of her. Imagine how her life would be going back to live with an alcoholic mother (who incidently may at some point in the future be ready to take her daughter back if she has treatment). I already think you're doing a wonderful thing by helping the little girl so much so please keep it up if you can but ask for more help too. Best wishes.

Hi. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to think about that poor little girl and how it must feel for her to know that her mummy doesn't want her and to feel like you don't really want her either! I was brought up with an alcoholic parent and would not wish it on my worst enemy! This little girl is in need of some stability and love and understanding. I know you have your own baby to think of but there is enough of your love for both of them. I definitely agree that your partner should be sharing in this situation and should not be leaving you to run around after both children so that you feel neglected, but please think how much your kindness means to that little daughter of his. She will grow up to be so thankful to you for what you are doing for her and your little one will be none the wiser, just as any other child who has been born with a sibling. Good luck, I hope the situation gets better for you. xx

Dont worry, try to appreciate her, and spend time with your baby, everytime you resent her think: I am doing the right thing helping her out, making her feel loved, let her have time with your baby so you feel like they both love each other. Just relax, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING, DONT WORRRY!

yeh thats how i feel, he says sometimes that he apreciates it, but i feel taken for granted. none of his family or her mums really bother with her.

i think it is perfectly natural to feel you want time with just your daughter. it can be very difficult to take on another persons child especially in such difficult circumstances. have you talked to your partner? get him more involved in his own daughters upbringing he shouldn't expect you to take over because of the mothers short comings. maybe you feel took advantage of? your partner could do with showing you how much he appreciates what you do!