Chat & Answers | Talk with Parents and Experts on Fertility, Pregnancy and Parenting Advice

By tongueno6 3 months ago

my hubby's mum died when he was 15 so i never met her and kids have always known she is in heaven, gary's dad had a partner he was with for a long time before i met him and she has always been as close to a grandmother as you can get and loved the girls to bits (she passed away last year) but she never called herself a grandmother, she called herself Aunty Alice and didn't mind them mentioning their real grandmother at all. The girls were gutted when she died and still talk about her with much fondness now. It takes more than blood to make a family and think if the kids are comfortable with it that's fine, talk to your partner about why he objects and maybe you could tell your children that while they aren't the 'real' grandparents it's ok if they want to call them that or maybe'uncle' etc if that feels right!?

By lminty3 3 months ago

my mum and dad both have partners which my baby will call all nan and grandad (or whatever they choose to call them) my OH his mum remarried when he was little and he calls what is his step-dad, dad. he doesnt see his real father and wants nothing to do with him. i think all these depend on the situation and what feels comfortable especially to your immediate family (OH and LO's). i understand that what my family does isnt going to be as easy for yours. i just thought i'd mention that it isnt always that bad... my friend he LO's call the step-grandparents nanny(name) rather than just nanny... thought i'd share :) good luck with whatever you decide. Xx

By Kitcameron 3 months ago

Got me thinking now about what my kid will call my MILs boyfriend. I'm not sure he's grandad material at all. We get on ok but he's very opinionated and we're wrong or stupid if our ideas don't agree with his. He comes across as being very grumpy and negative (partly put on I think to give himself character and partly to wind others up) but I'm not sure his attitude is a good role model at all.

Oh well, maybe he'll be different around the poor kid. Who knows. Time will tell I guess.

By laralouise 3 months ago

well have a son from my exusband and he calls my OHs mum nan just likemine and OH two girls. its all dow to choice but its upto your children if they want to call him grandad. best was is sit down with your children ad ask what they would like to call him they may feel bette knowng its there choice and there gran cant say anythingif they choose huni xxx

By LucyRuth 3 months ago

Oh isn't coping well at the moment with the thought of his Mum getting married, its a really strange situation as his Mum only moved out of her home last year (in her mid 40's) she had not had a relationship since oh was concieved. Its led to a bit of family upset and she has fallen out him oh's Grandad who she had lived with all them years. Bit of an awkward situation to be in really, oh sometimes resents the fiancee for upsetting his family circle. Like you said I guess Luke will come up with his own name, I think his mum is a bit upset because she's been accepted more in her fiancees family than he has in hers x

But every fam situation is different-maybe the other family are not so upset cos he got divorced years ago-or perhaps his partner died? I can see this would make them come to your MIL with a different attitude?

By mamaoftwo 3 months ago

my mum remarried and so did my dad there nana and grandad but there oh's rnt xx

By Hera 3 months ago

This is interesting. My husbands mom lives with a very nice man. While i admit it took a while to warm to him (more due to his personality than him 'intruding' on the family), he is good grandad material - no other children or grandchildren, lots of stories, talks about how he's looking forward to bump being born etc.
However, I was reluctant to give him the title as it may offend my dad (and my mom who's very vocal on subject). OH has no issue with it as it 'will save confusion'. And its been taken out of my hands by MIL's assumption he will be called grandad. That came as a bit of a surprise to be honest, but thinking about it there's no other suitable alternative which won't offend, confuse or raise questions.

By LukesMummy2009 3 months ago

:) that's ok! Just thought I'd reply too, we've got this same situation, oh's mother has been with her partner for ten years or so and we know there's not going to be any marriage etc. but she refers to him as Papa A.... Oh's quite relaxed and not really fussed, I guess I don't mind either, but in a way it's awkward as oh's dad passed away a few years ago and although it's not like he's going to be the Papa he would have been, I just don't know, i don't think I could call anyone else Dad etc. but that's because my Dad is the only Dad I've known, so then I guess if Papa A... is with her all the time and he cares of her very much I'm happy too for her to call him that, but admitedly I can't call him that. Also it makes oh's mum very happy.

Maybe you should just leave it to fate, would your oh tell Luke not to call him Grandad cos then if Luke chooses that route then it's his free will.... x

I've just put a bit of the family history into the post below, I think I'd be more open to the idea if it was 10 years down the line but they've only been together a year at the moment so feel its a bit too fast. I can see it from her side too though because oh's Grandad isn't blood he's her stepdad so she was once in our situation too, my oh sees him as his grandad 100% though. Me and oh both dont know our Dads so the kids only have their great grandad at the minute. We always say 'were going to Nanna and Johns' but he may pick up on a name himself in the future, I wouldn't have a problem with it but cant see oh liking it very much! x

By LukesMummy2009 3 months ago

I have a feeling it may be up to OH (it's his mum after all and he may feel awkward about it as it suggests a relationship between him and the step dad which isn't there right now). There might be a nice alternative to "nanna's husband" though which perhaps your boys will invent themselves? My boys call their great uncle "Uncle Gramps" cos Gramps is what their cousin calls him!!

Oh isn't coping well at the moment with the thought of his Mum getting married, its a really strange situation as his Mum only moved out of her home last year (in her mid 40's) she had not had a relationship since oh was concieved. Its led to a bit of family upset and she has fallen out him oh's Grandad who she had lived with all them years. Bit of an awkward situation to be in really, oh sometimes resents the fiancee for upsetting his family circle. Like you said I guess Luke will come up with his own name, I think his mum is a bit upset because she's been accepted more in her fiancees family than he has in hers x

By cheery_chick 3 months ago

:) that's ok! Just thought I'd reply too, we've got this same situation, oh's mother has been with her partner for ten years or so and we know there's not going to be any marriage etc. but she refers to him as Papa A.... Oh's quite relaxed and not really fussed, I guess I don't mind either, but in a way it's awkward as oh's dad passed away a few years ago and although it's not like he's going to be the Papa he would have been, I just don't know, i don't think I could call anyone else Dad etc. but that's because my Dad is the only Dad I've known, so then I guess if Papa A... is with her all the time and he cares of her very much I'm happy too for her to call him that, but admitedly I can't call him that. Also it makes oh's mum very happy.

Maybe you should just leave it to fate, would your oh tell Luke not to call him Grandad cos then if Luke chooses that route then it's his free will.... x

Unofficial 'Grandparents'

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