Dads and emotions
When a couple announces that they're expecting a baby most of the focus is on the expectant mom – after all, she's the one carrying the baby.
However, as a dad you have a very important role to play and it's crucial that you're included in every step of the process, from early pregnancy through to parenthood.
Many men feel quite overwhelmed by the news that they're going to be a father. Suddenly, you're faced with new responsibilities and might be unsure as to whether you're up to the task. It's completely natural to experience a range of emotions. Even if you're in a stable and loving relationship, your pregnancy was planned and you're excited about the prospect of being a dad, having a baby is a life-changing experience so don't feel worried if your emotions seem somewhat mixed.
Discuss with your partner your hopes and fears about impending fatherhood. It's likely that she's experiencing many of the same emotions. If you feel like you partner is ignoring your own emotional needs because she’s so involved with motherhood you should bring up this subject as soon as possible. As most of the attention will be on your partner, you might find yourself feeling left out. To combat this, become as involved as possible in the process. Attend as many of your partner's prenatal appointments and ultrasound scans as you can. This will keep you well informed and means that you and your partner will be working together as a unit.
Bond with your unborn baby by feeling her kick – each movement will make her seem more real. You can also read and talk to your baby – she can hear your voice from inside the uterus and research shows that babies react to sound at around 24 weeks. Even if you feel silly, talk to your partner's bump and introduce yourself to your baby! The more your baby hears your voice, the more you can help to soothe her once she’s born. See bonding with your baby in the uterus for more help.
Although you and your partner might not always feel like having sex during pregnancy, it's important that you keep intimacy and affection alive. This can include hugging, kissing, massage and generally spending time together. To help you understand what she may be feeling about sex while she is pregnant, read pregnancy sex: the good the bad and the ugly.
It's hard to plan exactly what your role at birth will be, as this really depends on your partner. You're there to support her in whatever capacity you can. She may want you to massage her while she's in labor – or she may not want you to touch her. It's natural to feel overwhelmed at the birth, as it's an incredibly intense experience. You can play an active role though, if you wish, and may even be asked if you want to cut the umbilical cord. See our feature top tips for birth partners so you have an idea about where you can be helpful during labor and birth. Remember, it's OK to ask questions if you don't understand something that is going on and it's OK to need some time out. Men often get forgotten during labor and birth, but it can be tough to see your partner in pain, especially when you can’t help her. Read as much as you can about the stages of labor, C-sections, pain relief and natural birth so you’re as prepared as you can be, however your baby arrives. It might also be helpful to watch our video on positions for labor so you can help and support your partner.
Once your baby's born if your partner isn't solely breastfeeding, or is expressing breast milk, you can help out by bottlefeeding your baby. Watch our video on how to bottlefeed so you know how to go about it. You can also take an active role in bathing, clothing and generally caring for your baby. However tired you may be, it will benefit both your partner and the bond you have with your baby if you can help with the night feeding. See our section on Sleep and Bedtime to get a good idea about sleep and newborns and routines so that you understand and can help out with night-time feeds and establishing a routine.
In the first few weeks, you might feel that your relationship with your partner is put under strain. This is entirely normal; it can take some time to adjust to a new baby and it will certainly have an impact on your relationship. However, if you let it, it will make your partnership stronger rather than drive a wedge between you. You've created a new life together – having made the transition from a couple to a family, savor every moment and enjoy everything that fatherhood has to offer!
See our features on coping with the first few weeks and also the financial impact of having a baby so you feel fully prepared.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.