gurgle.com chatted with Dean Beaumont, founder of dad's website daddynatal.co.uk on what life is like with a newborn and the types of things new dads can expect in those first few weeks:

Dean: Working with so many expectant and new dads, probably one of the most common comments I get is “why did nobody tell me …….?”

Life with a newborn is one of the most rewarding times in our lives. If it is your first child, it is a time when you will feel a new type of love for the first time, if it is you second, third or even more then you still feel that profound love only a parent really understands. That doesn’t mean it is all a bed of roses, life with a newborn can also be one of the hardest and most stressful times of your life!

So, just what should you expect?

Emotions

Emotions run riot in those first few days and weeks. You may experience everything from elation to concern, anxiety to unrestrained joy.  Mum has also just been through quite a bit physically so there's a good chance she'll be exhausted, and both of you may start feeling the effects of sleep deprivation.

For dads, this also tends to be the time when they truly start to bond with their baby, and start experiencing that new love, and feeling a total sense of awe at the new life they have created.

As you are experiencing these emotions, keep visitors to a minimum, immediate family only is probably the best idea, especially in the first week. It is the time when you are all getting used to each other as a family and for you all to bond. For most dads, paternity leave passes all too quickly and you want to be spending as much of that time as possible getting with your new family.

Dads can sometimes feel excluded from the mum-baby bonding. This is more common with your first baby, so be aware this is normal and that the only cure is to get involved! Wind your baby after their feeds, get involved in dressing and changing baby, look after mum. The journey now is all about you as a family, and dads have important role to play.

Sleep Deprivation

This is probably the most common thing to expect! One dad, Tom, sums it up “”Everyone tells you, and you will almost certainly have received numerous ‘witty’ remarks alluding to your impending lack of kip. But if you’re anything like me, you have probably been quite blasé about it and have inadvertently ignored them.”

So, what is it really like? Well maybe, a way for you to see, is set your alarm to go off every two hours through the night, when it goes off, get up and do something for 15 to 30 minutes, then go back to bed… Do that every day for just a week, and see how you feel! Then remember you have only been doing it for a week.

Sleep deprivation probably puts more pressure on the family than anything else, we all know what we are like when we are tired - ratty, prone to making mistakes, lacking in patience, rude and possibly even depressed. So understanding it is going to happen and some ways of alleviating the effects are crucial, for your sanity and your families!

So how do you deal with it? First up don’t be blasé, it can be tough if you are not prepared, but these would be my top tips:

1. Learn to powernap.  Even just 10 minutes can leave you feeling refreshed.  A powernap should not be more than 30 minutes and this is probably where most of us go wrong; we are that tired we just effectively go to sleep.  After 30 minutes you are likely to go in to a deep sleep phase, this can mean you will have difficulty waking up and also make it harder to sleep at night.

For both mum and dad, learning to nap really is the best way to combat sleep deprivation, try and grab a nap when baby is sleeping.  Try and set a timer so you don’t go longer than 30 minutes.

2. Avoid caffeine after midday, most of us will reach for coffee or caffeine support when we are feeling tired, but if you take it after midday it can still be in your system and actually make it difficult to fall asleep at night. Remember a lot of things contain caffeine;  tea and coke are just a couple which are similar to coffee.

3. Remember that the sleepless nights won’t last forever

Baby Blues

Baby blues are thought to be linked to the hormonal changes taking place in mum, as the pregnancy hormones leave her body and new ones replace them. It can be confusing time for dad who is still awe struck, excited and full of love for his baby, to find mum is suddenly tearful, weepy and irritable. It affects 60-80% of all women and is generally at its worst 4 – 5 days after birth.

Good news is that this normally only last a few days and generally will pass on its own, so dad, be supportive, reassuring and understanding during this time. If the depression does not pass or appears to worsen, be aware of PostNatal Depression and seek some help.

Some practical things dads can do to help during baby blues are:

Encourage mum to rest as much as possible.

Tell her what a great mum she is and how proud of her you are.

If she wants to cry, let her, don’t tell her to “stop being silly!”

Listen to her

Make sure she keeps eating and drinking.

All in all…

These are some of the most common things to expect and of course, not a definitive list. Every family is unique, but trust in your instincts, work together as a family and enjoy what is such an amazing and unique time in your lives.

Last Modified: 16/01/2012