How to reward your toddler
Go on, ’fess up: how many times have you tried to bribe your toddler to avoid her throwing a tantrum in public by telling her you’ll treat her to a new toy if she behaves, or offered her candy if she’ll just eat her dinner?
In a way, resorting to this is an acknowledgment of the fact that toddler discipline can be difficult. The typical toddler is wrestling with her own independence and there are times when you might feel that all you do is say no or put her in time-out. So maybe offering her a treat if she’ll do as she’s told means you won’t have to feel as if you are saying no all the time and parenting her won’t feel like such a power struggle.
And a reward system is actually a good way of dealing with a young child’s willful behaviour because it effectively means that you’re catching her being good and rewarding her for that as opposed to focusing on the negative and punishing bad behaviour all the time. But you do have to do it right – and this means avoiding using a reward system as a bribe system.
What’s the difference between bribes and rewards?
A bribe is you telling your child in advance that you will treat her or give her that biscuit if she cooperates. A reward is offering her that incentive after she cooperates – for example, instead of saying, “You can have this piece of chocolate if you finish your lunch,” – a bribe – you wait for her to finish and then give it to her, telling her it’s a little treat for being such a good girl and eating her food.With a bribe, your toddler will cooperate temporarily, simply to get something at the end – not because she genuinely wants to do your bidding. She may never grasp the real reasons for doing something – for example, the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, or the knowledge that she has made you happy – and may not take pleasure in the fact that she has cooperated.
If you get into the habit of using a bribe system, you could end up raising a manipulative child who holds you to ransom and only behaves if she knows there is something in it for her. And that means that when the day comes that you expect her to cooperate without a reward at the end of it she will just give up and stop trying.
Reward systems
Reward charts are a great way to help your child keep track of the times when she cooperates and does what she’s told, but with a toddler it’s best to incorporate a daily reward because most young children may not stay motivated enough if the treat is days or weeks away. The rewards themselves don’t have to be fancy or expensive – your local pound shop will have a large supply of trinkets and toys, or you can make some special time with mum the treat: maybe watch her favourite cartoon together, read an extra story at bedtime, or bake cookies.Even your praise alone can be a great reward for your child although you need to fight your natural tendency to praise every single achievement to the heavens! By doing this you risk your child thinking she has to succeed at everything in order for you to love and praise her. If your child is that dependent on your approval it may make her less likely to try new things in case she fails at them.
A good way around this is to offer realistic praise – so instead of saying her finger painting is the best you’ve ever seen, be more specific: say, “I love the red blobs and blue squiggles.”
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Mothercare
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