My kids only play up to ME!
More often than not, whenever YOU try to correct your child; everything you say falls on deaf ears and at times even threatens to make things worse. It can be downright frustrating, stressful, embarrassing and even (shamefully admitting) ego-bruising, when your own children will behave themselves with others, but defy every rule in the book, resorting to ‘selective-hearing’ techniques when it comes to you.
As parents, we have all faced this situation at one time or another. Why is it that our children single us out for their theatrics?
Probably our kids don’t listen to us at immediately, because they know from past experience that we if ask them to do something, we will be repeating ourselves several times OR it could be because that we parents have managed to let our children misunderstand and misuse our love for them.
With kids, there’s no magic formula, but here are some of our top tips to help you restore order in the house, without having to be an army General.
Stop Rushing
We parents are always in a hurry and expect our children to keep the same pace. This is not possible because little children simply cannot do things as well and fast as us. Therefore considering their age, give them some notice period, set realistic expectations and patiently help enforce those limits.For example, instead of repeatedly telling them to put their toys back in place, telling them once and then if they’ve not complied in the notice time, firmly but lovingly "help" them stack the toys. This will ensure that they obey you and they still feel wonderful about the helping hand you’ve lent them.
Lead by example
Don’t just go ordering around expecting your little one to follow verbal instructions from the word go. Instead sit with him and teach him how to get things done – how to stack his toys, arrange his shoes, sort out the dirty laundry and more. Make it fun by assigning names to the activity and singing nursery rhymes while getting the job done.Saying No
When asking your child to do something, phrase it as a request not as a question. Questions give them an option to say NO. Also when you make a request, be certain you have your child's attention by touching his arm or hand, and making eye contact.Being positive
Are you being negative and nagging all the time? Do you alternate being lenient sometimes and strict disciplinarian? Have a relook at your own behaviour. It's natural for anyone to switch-off from someone who’s negative. Instead use a lot of encouragement when making requests. Your children completely love it when you have positive things to say about them. So praise them when they listen. Take action, balanced with patience if they don’t. (i.e. If you do that again you’re not going to get your favourite toy to play with.) Similarly, your consistency on discipline-related issues will let them know what is expected of them.Control your emotions
There will be times when your temper threatens to get the better of you. But just when they’re expecting you to hit the roof, try keeping your volume and emotions as much as possible in check. If an outburst is imminent, take a U-turn. Go to another room and let your partner take overWhat not to do
Shouting and yelling: If shouting becomes an everyday affair, it quickly loses its value. So, as far as possible stay calm and talk to your child in a controlled manner. Since children learn from their parents, remember your loud and aggressive approach may be picked up by your child too.Smacking: The general view today is that you should ideally refrain from smacking your child. Apart from being painful and traumatic, it teaches your child that it’s okay to use violence to express anger. It’s harmful emotionally for you and your little one and most of all…it breaks your child’s sense of security and trust in you. And once you’re on that path, the only steps “up” are more, or stronger physical discipline.
Countering aggression: If your child hits you, don’t retaliate with aggression. Instead, simply walk away from him. The worst punishment you can give your child is letting him know that you are ignoring him because he has hurt you. After ignoring him for a good amount of time (most older kids will be so ashamed of themselves and apologise on their own), then sit him down and explain just how upset you are with his behaviour.
Raising a child and moulding his character is a huge responsibility for parents. Your child needs and cherishes the time spent with you and is not able to understand that you have other stresses, which may make you impatient or aloof. For this you need to energy to deal with children’s everday issues. Eat right, exercise and have regular checkups. Seek professional help is you are not able to control your anger or aggression. And do take some time off - reading, retail therapy, or anything that gives you a break and relaxes you.
Why not join our chat forum and to meet and discuss parenting tips with other mums. It’s a great way to know more and learn from their real experiences!
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