These days, an increasing number of women are waiting until their late thirties to try for children. This is often due to work; many of us are more career-oriented than we used to be, says gurgle deputy editor Sasha Lyne.

A woman's fertility dramatically decreases when she gets to 35, but research has shown that it actually starts to slope off when a woman is in her late twenties (and probably in the prime of her career). In fact, a woman aged 28 having regular unprotected sex may have to wait a month or two longer than her friend of 23 to fall pregnant. Thus, there’s a new wave of women who are deciding to go ahead and have a baby, man or no man.

Finding Mr Right
Even if you do wait for Mr Right, there’s no guarantee that he won’t turn into Mr. Wrong. There is debate over whether you should be spontaneous and attempt to get pregnant whatever your personal circumstances rather than following conventions and missing out on your chance of having a baby. According to this argument we all deserve a chance of experiencing the most amazing, life-changing, magical experience there is: parenthood.

Of course it’s not a clear-cut situation and it’s not as easy as just saying “I’m going to have a baby.” So, when our biological clock’s ticking, should we just ignore it? Or should we take action?

You have to ask yourself what you really want from life and, if it’s children, then you must appreciate that there is no ‘perfect’ time to have them. There’s no right answer; it’s a personal decision. It’s a case of weighing up the pros and the cons.

Single parenthood
Having a baby will change your life fundamentally and is obviously not a decision to take lightly. Are you ready to make the inevitable sacrifices? You may be in the early stages of a relationship but feel pressured by time and the classic ticking of the biological clock. However, before rushing into having a baby you must remember that you may end up bringing up your child alone.

If you aren't in a relationship but are desperate to have a baby, you may decide to opt for artificial insemination. Clearly there are a whole raft of emotional, financial and ethical issues that must be considered. If you have a male friend, for example, who has agreed to father your child, what are the long-lasting implications? Will he play an active role in your child's life? Will he be a 'hands-on' dad, or more of a silent partner in the parenting procedures? In the worst-case scenario, were something to happen to you, who would take care of your child? If you are preparing to go it alone, it's crucial that you have an answer to each of these questions.

Of course, there are no guarantees in any relationship, but it’s more likely to last if you’ve spent some time laying down the foundations. Are you prepared to be a single mum? Have you considered how you would cope emotionally and financially? Being a single parent can be exhausting if you don’t have someone to share the daily tasks with. Having children can also feel very lonely, as many women will say: spending time with a 15 month old who can't talk back to you can be wonderful as well as lonely. Read our features on single parents and A Single Parent’s Survival Guide for a look at what single parents have to cope with.

Your finances
Having a baby is expensive, but bringing up children on your own is hard work. Don't forget you'll have to take time out to have the baby and, depending on where you work, you might have to rely on a decreased salary because of maternity pay for some time. Going back to work can be difficult, especially when you have to pay for childcare which can be expensive, so this will be an important issue to bear in mind.

Your career
Many people put off having a child as they think it will interfere with their career, but fertility is at its peak when you’re in your late teens/early twenties. Some women are under the misapprehension that having children is easy; they think they as soon as they try it will just happen. It’s worth remembering that if you put your career first, you might leave it too late, and no amount of money can make up for that. On the other hand, many women give up flourishing careers to have children and live to regret it as their children get older, go to school and they are left behind.

What age is best?
Most of us have a rough idea of when we'd like to reach certain life stages, eg: have children, get married, buy a house. But the reality is that life isn’t like that.

There’s a new wave of women who have reached their thirties and are so desperate to have a baby that they attempt to get pregnant through any means. But each action has a consequence; it’s one thing if a new relationship falters under the pressure of a new baby, but quite another if the mother isn’t even in a relationship with the father at the time of conception.

I had my daughter at the age of 21. At the time I was in a long-term relationship with her father, which I was sure would last. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Although I’m sad my relationship ended, not for one moment have I regretted having my wonderful daughter. Of course, there are days when I find being a single mum very tough indeed. But I’m of the opinion, as are many, I think, that it’s better to be a single mum than not to be a mum at all. When and how to bring a child into the world, however, are personal decisions.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

Last Modified: 03/01/2008