The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sex drive declines, according to a study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. Part of the same study showed Men’s sex drive stays the same, despite how long he has been in the relationship.

170 undergraduate men and woman from the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, were monitored and rated on their desire levels. Everyone in the study was in a heterosexual relationship ranging from one month to nine years in length.Ranging from 1.2 to 6.0, the scale measures sex drive in such a way that lead researcher Sarah Murray and her research partner Robin Milhausen found 'specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index'.
 

Whilst this isn’t great news for most of us, there is a reason for this.

Biologically, levels of hormones such as testosterone are believed to affect sex drive; social factors, like work and family, also have an impact. Internal psychological factors, like personality and stress play a big part.

Dr Dietrich Klusmann, a psychologist from Hamburg-Eppendorf University Hospital, believed the differences were down to human evolution.

He said: "For men, a good reason their sexual motivation to remain constant would be to guard against being cuckolded by another male."

Dr Klusmann suggests woman’s sex drive may fall as her relationship progresses is because in evolutionary terms her sex drive is very high at the beginning of a relationship which would then result in children. Once the children have come along she loses the desire to reproduce and concentrates all her energy on her offspring.

The findings of this study may go somewhat to explain why men leave the marital relationship after many years for a younger partner.

What we can do about it; your sleep patterns are probably all over the place once you have children and you’re tired. You may be experiencing a touch of post-partum depression and depression is not conducive to sex. If you are breast feeding, you may not return to your pre-pregnancy libido until after you discontinue breast feeding. The good news is, if your libido is lagging, there are a few things we can do.

-Sleep more (if possible) – even if you take it in turns with your partner over the weekend and one has Saturday and one has Sunday. If you feel refreshed and have slept well it takes all the difference and you might regain an interest in lovemaking.

-Make time for romance. Try and book in grandparents or a babysitter at least once a fortnight and have ‘date nights’ where it’s just about you and your partner. It is so good for your relationship to make time for a romantic date.

-The shift in hormones after giving birth may cause vaginal dryness – especially if you are breastfeeding. This is very common and can be combated with the use of lubricants and foreplay.

-See a doctor if you are feeling like it is becoming a bigger problem. Post Natal depression can reduce an interest in sex and your doctor can help you with this.

Last Modified: 06/02/2012